Don’t you think that out of all the things on earth, your own brain should be more of an ally?

After all, it is inside your own head. And somehow it is you. Or at least it feels like it’s you, doesn’t it? (I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess y’all are just like me and the real YOU live about 1” behind your eyes.)

But brains aren’t our allies.

They’re inconsistent, unreliable, non-living-up-to-their-potential employees.  Stupid brains.

For instance, why is it that the “You’ve Forgotten Something” alarm is so incredibly sensitive that it can pull up something I planned to do ages ago, yet it can’t connect that alarm to the actual thing I’m forgetting.

For my brain to start the “You’ve Forgotten Something” mantra it has to have a list it’s consulting, right? So that it knows what I’m forgetting. Right?

Let’s just pretend my brain is that brilliant supercomputer that it’s supposed to be. The Forgetting Something Alarm System must work like this.

1. Brilliant Supercomputer consults Master List of All Things To Be Remembered. (Which I would dearly love to get my hands on.)

2. Brilliant Supercomputer notices that I am forgetting something. (This is all very hazy since I am the supercomputer, right? But also? I am not.)

3. Brilliant Supercomputer activates Subtle Nagging Feeling algorithm making me think, “I feel like I’m forgetting something…”

4. Brilliant Supercomputer stares at me like a slack-jawed idiot while I wildly pelt it with question after question.

“What did I forget? Something little? Like I forgot to pick up bagels? Or something big? Like I left my purse in the cart at Walmart? Did I wrangle all the children together and then leave the house without brushing my own hair? (Again?) Did I leave the oven on?”

(If I’m being honest here, I’ve trained myself to begin with the “Did I leave the oven on?” question. It just saves time.)

I’d like to chat with the programmer of the Brilliant Supercomputer and ask why they didn’t make step #3 “Tell Yourself What It Is On The Master List That You Are Currently Forgetting.” How hard would that be? I’m no Bill Gates, but that does not seem hard.

Brilliant Supercomputer activated Subtle Nagging Feeling for me 6 hours ago as I drove home from the grocery store.

I’m still looping through the “I Have No Idea What I Forgot” cycle.

Stupid brain.

PS-If you’re looking for a good read, the book Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman is a fascinating study of just how unreliable our brains are.

PPS- on a completely unrelated note, I’m not progressing at all in life. While editing this post I found THREE instances of not closing my parentheses. Which brings up two thoughts.

1. There is no hope that I’m going to learn to close my parentheses.

2. I use too many parenthesis.